When Government Agencies Make My Head Explode (and not for the reason you think)

It's 7:38 am. I open a letter from Blue Shield Health insurance which tells me my insurance is being denied/and or cancelled because they have not received my whole payment. Which IS A LIE. And it starts. My heart starts beating faster. I can literally feel the heat run down my veins. My shoulder tightens. I soon grow to the size of The Incredible Hulk. And I basically take on the mentality of this Kramer.

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I am lucky enough to get some government assistance on my health insurance because I'm currently unemployed. This is awesome and I'm totally grateful. Except for the part where I have to rely on a bureaucracy to do something right, and in a timely manner. It also tests my tendencies to want to be in CONTROL OF EVERYTHING!!

Here's the story. I originally called to inquire about the Covered California plans late December. At this point I was on a Cobra plan from my previous job and just getting information. But some IDIOT... wait. I'm sorry. That's not loving or enlightened. Some (grimaces in pain trying to come up with something nice) very misguided lady, who was very busy with other important things so she couldn't fully listen to what I was saying, entered me into the computer with a start date of January 1. But I had just called to get a quote for how much government assistance I qualified for. I HAD ALREADY PAID FOR COBRA THROUGH FEBRUARY.

When I realized this, I called back and some other COMPLETE MORON, I mean super nice lady who thought she was being helpful but didn't know what the hell she was talking about, assured me that this was not a problem because I hadn't even picked a health care plan yet so that didn't matter. For my plan to start March 1 I just needed to pick a plan by February 20. This made perfect sense to me so I continued about my business.

So I did pick a plan early February, and when I went to make the first payment it said I OWED TRIPLE for January, February, and March. How I could pay for the month of January on a plan that I didn't even pick until February 15 is beyond all constraints of logic I possess.  So. First stage of hulkness began and I called Covered California, the government run agency that pays for a portion of health insurance for low income residents. I explained the situation to a really understanding and helpful man, who unbeknownst to me was still a HUGE NITWIT. He said he saw what happened and would amend that plan for a March 1 start date. I went onto my online profile for Covered California and it now said I only owed one payment for my insurance to start March 1. Crisis averted.

Except it wasn't. This agent never contacted the insurance companies with the change (I told you he was a nitwit! I mean, a well meaning man who just didn't know he had to follow through.) So I then start getting letters from the insurance companies saying I owe three months of payments. I STILL want to know how they expect me to pay for January and February when I hadn't even received my health insurance cards, therefore couldn't actually use the product they were selling. If this is how consumerism works, clearly I am doing something wrong. And everyone owes me $25 for my book that's coming out next year. I haven't started it yet, but trust me, it's gonna be GOOD.

So I called Covered California AGAIN. And some nice lady (nice, gotta trust nice, because my brain is screaming HALFWIT) told me that they would "accelerate my claim" and send a letter to the insurance companies. But this morning I open the letter from Blue Shield saying my plan was being cancelled for lack of payment. I literally felt like the floor was splitting open and I was pummeling down into fiery lava. Because, surely, this is what Hell feels like. I immediately pick up the phone to call them but, of course, it's still only7:48 in the morning and they aren't open yet. So. I. Have. To. Wait.

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DAY 20: The one where I find another perspective

And we're in the home stretch!!! Day 20 of Deepak Chopra and Oprah's 21 Day meditation challenge Desire and Destiny. I've learned a lot on the journey. #1: Sometimes I bite off more than I can chew. #2: Sometimes it's OK not to hit every single deadline as long as you're making progress and enjoying yourself on the way. And #3: I need to learn social media and marketing because at this rate I'll grow my page slower than my grandma can figure out how to send an email. And that is SLOW. But I really have learned a lot on this journey, along with my fair share of struggling. The biggest perk has been that the meditations give me a thought to focus on in the midst of my many emotional mood swings, peppered with anxiety and a dollup of depression.

DAY 19: How I turned around a heavy heart

Today is Day 19 of my meditation challenge and the centering thought is "Joy is my highest purpose." Of course today seems anything but blissful in the aftermath of the Vegas shooting. As reports came streaming in yesterday I was truly saddened. It made no sense. What makes a man of 64, with no criminal background or any warning signs, go out and kill innocent people? The account of what happened, the lives lost, the terror that ensued is heartbreaking.

DAY 18: The one where I learn to relax

But today let's focus on the centering thought of the day. "I play. I create. I succeed." Deepak explains that the more time we spend playing and "dancing through life like a child," the more creative and productive we will actually become. This is a HUGE message to me because I often feel anxiety whenever I take time off from trying to further my career. (Oh my God I'm 34. Practically dead. There's no time for FUN!!!!) In my head I'm wasting most of my life away working at the hotel so any little time off I should be working more on my career. But as the saying goes, "All work and no play, makes Jack a dull boy." Or girl. If you must be politically correct. And it's true. Whenever I have a deadline, if I force creativity too much I just end up with one major writer's block. Or headache. Or stomachache because I stress eat.

DAY 16: Follow Your Bliss

Today is another day of meditation and enlightenment! And what better place to do this than at DISNEY WORLD?? That's right. I'm in Florida with my family for the next week tapping into my inner child. (Not that that's too hard. I'm pretty much a goofball all the time!)  So when I sat down to do day 16 of my meditation challenge Desire and Destiny it seemed perfect that the centering thought was, "Bliss be my guide." Uhhhh if I can't find bliss at Disney World then my problems are more serious than I thought.

DAY 14: The one where I’m grateful

Today is Day 14 of my meditation challenge Desire and Destiny with Deepak Chopra and Oprah. And this one is all about gratitude! So first and foremost, to those who have read my blog, THANK YOU!!!! This process has been challenging, but mostly rewarding. It's given me a jump start back into following my joy and I'm so grateful for those of you who have encouraged me to keep going. (Don't be afraid to leave comments! While I'm fighting to override my ego, I DO still have one. )

DAY 11: The one where I go to a really cool church

Today is Day 11 of my 21 day challenge. If you're new I'm doing Deepak Chopra and Oprah's meditation Desire and Destiny. (And go back and read the other posts to catch up!) Today's centering thought is, "I create my reality." Now before all you non-believers jump in and say, "Everything is random, look at Hurricane Irma, are you saying those people created their reality?" Or super religious peeps chime in with, "Blasphemy! God creates our reality. Do you think you're God?" I have to let you know that I agree with ALL of you.