Can I Work a Miracle?

I've decided to revisit my very first guide on my path to enlightenment. It's called "A Course in Miracles." About 5 years ago my life basically imploded and I was left with a "NOW WHAT??" mentality. Because obviously what I had been doing for the previous 29 years was not working. (If you love reading about other people's problems because it helps you with a perspective on your own... or if you're just a sadist for misery click here to read my original story.)

So I am going to attempt something I've never done before... actually complete "A Course in Miracles" workbook. It's 365 lessons, one each day... FOR A YEAR. Then I'll be able to work miracles like grow 100 dollar bills on the bush outside and get a man to WANT marriage. All jokes, and witchcraft aside (again JOKE), this course is supposed to completely change your mind set once and for all. Something I've been trying to do for years. I think my mascot is the Little Engine that Could. "I think I can, I think I can... I think... it's been five years. I'm gonna need some more fuel. (They use coal right?) Last time I did this course I think I made it to day 280... in TWO YEARS. But I'm feeling so productive with my time management challenge that I'm gonna try it "ONE MORE TIME!" (Cue the Daft Punk song.)

Here's a quick summary of the Course:

1- These exercises don't take a lot of time: PERFECT. Because I've already proven once that I'm a tad lazy.

2- Phase one: Undo the way you currently see now: Good. Will this also take away the view of the messy bedroom behind me?

3- Phase two: Acquire true perception: Which obviously includes me on TV, right? Or at least makes me as cool as Yoda?

4- Don't ever decide for yourself that there are some people, situations, or things that these ideas don't apply to: This means that co-worker you hate and your ex-boyfriend. The very nature of true perception is that it has no limits. Basically, the opposite of how we see now.

5- It doesn't matter if you don't understand, or even believe, a concept: Really??? Best part ever. Just by using the exercises every day, meaning and results will follow. "If you build it, they will come." Just remember, whatever the resistance, JUST DO IT.

So to make this a little more fun for everyone, I am attempting to make short videos about my experience. (We will see how consistently I do this because it involves me doing my hair.) I love to play and poke fun at the exercises a little, but I do actually take them very seriously. I just think "all work and no play, makes Alissa a dull girl." I promise I will never come at you in the bathroom with an ax, though. (If you don't get that reference I'm shaking my head at you. Go watch "The Shining." Classic Kubrick.) Also I apologize that this video won't be in the best format. I shot it vertically because social media and I don't vibe. Apparently, you have to shoot it horizontally but once I figured this out I was already done and, well, LAZY.

DAY 1: Nothing I see in this room (or on this street, from this window, in this place) means anything. Basically it tells you to look around your room and for every object you see say "This table does not mean anything." Etc. Here's my adventure:



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The One Where I Learn About Chakras

What the heck is a chakra? And does it really matter if they’re all aligned? I mean, last time I checked my body stood straight upward. I’m not a New Age version of a play dough Gumbi. With one chakra way left, and another one squished into my face. I decided to investigate.

I’ve mentioned once or twice how much I LOVE Wanderlust Hollywood. Not only do they offer amazing yoga classes, they also offer meditation, kundalini, Sound baths, and my new favorite, Amplified Yoga. “What is this?” you ask. The best way I can describe it is you feel like you’re on ecstasy at a rave, except with no drugs. Which is an assumption because I’ve never done ecstasy. And I’ve never been to a rave. What it DOES have is a live DJ. (Yes! A live DJ playing a mixture of house and yoga music. It’s awesome!) And strobe lights. (Don’t worry. Those don’t go the whole class. I mean, we’d have a seizure.) But I’m getting ahead of myself.

The class started with us walking around the room making eye contact with each other. WHY IS MAKING EYE CONTACT so hard??? I feel like people today would rather stab themselves in the stomach and pull out their small intestines than smile as the make eye contact with a stranger. What do we expect to happen? The nice looking lady passing us on the sidewalk is actually Medusa? And if we look her dead in the eye we turn into stone? Or worse, forever undateable? Do we think if we make eye contact with a stranger they’re going to yell, “Stop looking at me Swan!” and then chase us ten blocks with a homemade machete made of glass? I mean, please. But, just in case, I’ll stick to smiling at people in crowded places. With lots of witnesses.

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The Dreaded New Year’s Resolution

I’ll tell you why I HATE New Year’s resolutions. I never complete them. Not even a little bit. Statistically no one does. OK I didn’t actually look up any facts about this but come on, unless your resolution was brush your teeth every day, most people conveniently forget about their resolutions after the first 30 days. Or 5. And then that failure leaves me frustrated and ringing in another New Year crying while listening to Ed Sheeran and singing to my cat. Just kidding. I was crying because his love songs are so beautiful. And I didn’t sing to my cat. I danced with him.

To Fear or Not To Fear: Getting my head right

It's been four days since I've been officially out of work. A huge amount of emotion has run through me. Strangely, I had many feelings of sadness due to leaving this job. Not because I love serving people at a restaurant. (or at my old place of work being their actual servant!) I think I mourned the loss of community. Now, every day I'm by myself. And while I definitely crave more alone time to be productive, I'll also miss being a part of something bigger than myself. Of course, this is the time to create something NEW to be a part of that is bigger than myself! But that leads me to my next fear... how do I do that???

Laid off from Work: Failure or Freedom?

I have received some very scary news. I’ve been laid off from my job. And since then there are a million thoughts running through my head. What’s going to happen to me? Why are my employers such jerks? Do I have a tent anywhere? Cuz it’s looking like I’ll be homeless. Of course most of the scary thoughts that pop into my head are gross exaggerations, but it brings up a very valid point: how do we deal with anxiety and stressful situations without our heads exploding?

The one where I go to a cool bookstore and learn something new

An author named Brad Warner wrote a book called It Came From Beyond Zen! The book cover is complete with cool Sci-Fi lettering and a Buddhist monk entangled by a green slimy monster with 7 eyes. The blurb about his book mentioned he uses humor to put classic Buddhist teaching into modern language. He also used to be in a punk rock band and wrote another book called Don't Be a Jerk. My kind of guy. I was sold. I mean clearly our life purposes are the same. Except for the part where he's an ordained Buddhist Zen monk and I'm a waitress. And the part he was in a punk rock band and I still struggle to get from a G chord to a C chord on my guitar. And he knows who Dogen was and I had no idea. OK. Enough. We both don't take meditation so seriously we wear Mala prayer beads to breakfast and drink boba tea while dissecting our own auras. Good enough for me.