Time management is usually my strong point. I mean I’m the one who goes on a trip and writes out a daily schedule so we can fit in EVERYTHING. On family vacays my sister even writes one out by the hour so We. Are. Prepared. But lately I’ve been about as good at time management as I am at resisting dark chocolate with sea salt. Which is NEVER. And now it’s been almost three months since I was laid off from my job. And I still have NO CLUE where my next paycheck is going to come from. I mean, besides the unemployment office, but my pride won’t let me keep taking that for long. And they cut my deadbeat ass off at six months.
Of course, I could go out and get another serving job but I PROMISED myself I wouldn’t do that. It’s my time to go after what I’m truly called to do. And for me that’s writing and acting. But sometimes I’m faced with this huge task and not knowing what I should do first. And then I find myself watching “The Bachelor Winter Games” because what’s better than the regular Bachelor franchise? An international one with a hot French Canadian named Benoit. (And Claire is an IDIOT for not returning his love.)
So this post is more for me than you because I hope by writing out positive habits for time management that I’ll actually follow them. Manifestation, am I right? So for those of you with time management problems I challenge you (and myself) to follow these very simple habits.
#1. GO TO BED EARLIER
My best friend calls. She tells me she just booked an episode of “Nashville.” Wait. Not just one episode. TWO episodes.
On the outside I’m all “CONGRATULATIONS! I’m so excited for you!”
But on the inside I’m like, “FUUUUCCKK.” Because obviously now there are no more jobs for ME. Now the odds of my own acting career succeeding are as likely as Harvey Weinstein becoming a feminist and resurrecting his. Or my mother finally learning how to use an iPhone app. Both equally impossible. All pointing to my inevitable failure as a woman.
Because as women we are taught that there is never enough for us all. There’s always a competition. For jobs. For men. For a thinner waistline and an impossibly unproportional bootie to match. And why, with said proportions, do we have to compete with the likes of Kim Kardashian in order to “break the internet?” It’s not fair. Plus, I’m really bad with computers.
But what if there WAS enough? What if we could truly feel secure that there are so many jobs/men/sexy waistlines that we ALL can win?
It’s Friday night. Led Zeppelin radio is playing through my nifty Beats Pill+. My boyfriend has asked me out on a private dinner date where he is cooking me a short rib dinner, and I don’t have to help AT ALL. Perfection. Until we do that annoying things couples do. We pick a fight over a pan.
Him: “Is this pan oven proof?”
Me: I think so. I mean, I don’t know. I’ve never actually put it in the oven, but...
Him: So. NO.
Me: STOP YELLING AT ME!!!!
OK. There might have been a little more to it than that. But you know how these things go. Maybe I called him an impatient jerk. Maybe he said I was acting crazy. And quite possibly I then stomped out of the room. Either way, there was intense annoyance over a PAN.
Dynamics of a relationship are always interesting to me. You’re usually not arguing over the thing you’re actually arguing over. And we all develop this little thing called selective hearing. One person says, “Hey, can you turn that music down?” And the other person comes back with, “Stop controlling my life!!!!!” And while this seems like an exaggeration, I guarantee this has happened somewhere. Sadly, I think most relationship fights start over assumptions. Most fights with friends also start over assumptions. Though I’m waaaay less likely to take it personally when my friend teases me about my sensitivity. If my boyfriend does, there is a full on cry fest over our sushi diner. (I’m chagrined to admit this may have actually happened.)
So how do we navigate relationships?
What the heck is a chakra? And does it really matter if they’re all aligned? I mean, last time I checked my body stood straight upward. I’m not a New Age version of a play dough Gumbi. With one chakra way left, and another one squished into my face. I decided to investigate.
I’ve mentioned once or twice how much I LOVE Wanderlust Hollywood. Not only do they offer amazing yoga classes, they also offer meditation, kundalini, Sound baths, and my new favorite, Amplified Yoga. “What is this?” you ask. The best way I can describe it is you feel like you’re on ecstasy at a rave, except with no drugs. Which is an assumption because I’ve never done ecstasy. And I’ve never been to a rave. What it DOES have is a live DJ. (Yes! A live DJ playing a mixture of house and yoga music. It’s awesome!) And strobe lights. (Don’t worry. Those don’t go the whole class. I mean, we’d have a seizure.) But I’m getting ahead of myself.
The class started with us walking around the room making eye contact with each other. WHY IS MAKING EYE CONTACT so hard??? I feel like people today would rather stab themselves in the stomach and pull out their small intestines than smile as the make eye contact with a stranger. What do we expect to happen? The nice looking lady passing us on the sidewalk is actually Medusa? And if we look her dead in the eye we turn into stone? Or worse, forever undateable? Do we think if we make eye contact with a stranger they’re going to yell, “Stop looking at me Swan!” and then chase us ten blocks with a homemade machete made of glass? I mean, please. But, just in case, I’ll stick to smiling at people in crowded places. With lots of witnesses.
When I ask you how you feel about hugs, what do you say?
“Omg I LOVE hugs!”
Lies. People don’t love hugs. I mean we DO hugs. Obviously I hug my mom and Dad goodbye or I’ll hug a friend I haven’t seen in awhile. But these last about 1.5 seconds. And I NEVER hug the random guy I meet at a job interview. Or at Subway ordering a foot long. I’m not trying to get abducted. Or worse, have him smell my after gym B.O.
So I was blown away when I attended National Hugging Day at Agape International Spiritual Center yesterday, and was told that in order to feel the full effect of a hug it must last for over TWENTY SECONDS. It’s hard for me to wait the twenty seconds I put my coffee into the microwave after pouring too much almond milk in it. You want me to hug a stranger for 21 seconds?!?
This post is different today! I was reading a couple blogs by my peers (See. I do know that on the path of enlightenment EVERYTHING can't just be about me.) and I stumbled on a page by louisablog that was not only well written and informative, but also contained a prayer that resonated so deeply with me that I had to share. (Especially since just yesterday I was exploring how to restructure prayer!)
I hope this prayer awakens your own self love (cellulite thighs included) and inspires you to share that love today. And so it is!
SELF LOVE PRAYER
Does praying for something actually push it away from us? This terrifying question taunted me as I listened to Neale Donald Walsh’s “Conversations With God.” I’ve been praying my whole life. Whether it was a prayer I’ve been given as a child or my own melodramatic pleas, I consider my prayer relationship pretty strong. But (and picture a bolt of lightening and ominous thunder) I suddenly realized My prayers usually consist of me ASKING God for something.
“What’s wrong with that?” You may ask. “I ask God for things all the time. The health of my family. A flashy new car. Less cellulite on my fat upper thighs.” And that’s cool, except for the fact that the act of asking is a statement that it is not there.
“Uhhhhh. It’s NOT there. Have you seen my thighs? I haven’t worn shorts in five years.”
OK. Trust me, my thighs have cellulite, too. But stay with me on this one. I’m going to quote directly so I don’t mess it up. “You will not have that for which you ask, nor can you have anything you want.”