It’s been a strange month for me. First I was let go from my job after 8 years. And I’ve managed to turn that into a positive (mostly.) Then my grandfather passed away. Which was heartbreaking because I was flying down to Florida to visit literally that morning.
I told myself all the normal things. He was 89, he had a great life. He’s in a better place. He’s finally going to get to play Blackjack all day long with no one pestering him to come to dinner. (He was honestly the luckiest player I had ever seen, so in Heaven he must be raking it in. And do you eat dinner in Heaven? I hope so because I’m a foodie.)
All this helped to some extent but it was a struggle because there wasn’t much closure. For some reason there are no wakes to view the deceased in Florida. Maybe because there’s not enough makeup to make all the 90 year olds look 65. Or someone finally decided that wakes were scary for children. Or maybe, they got it right and decided not to dwell on the death but on the life.
So we had a celebration of life luncheon at a seafood restaurant called The Crow’s Nest because my grandpa’s last name was Crow and he loved seafood. We shared many memories about his sense of humor, his love of dance, and of course, blackjack. One story in particular I’d love to share. I am all about positive imaging and whatever you focus on expands. One day we were all out to eat and my dad was focusing on something in a negative manner. (He coincidentally was called Eyore by friends and coworkers everywhere.) I stopped my dad from assuming the worst mid sentence and said, “Grandpa, when you go to play blackjack do you think you’re going to win?” And he said…
“No. I KNOW I’m going to win.”
Ding! Ding! Ding! It was there. Everything I believed in and he said it so beautifully. He was a wise man, my grandpa, and I carry that with me today. When I worry about succeeding I stop, take a deep breath, and recalibrate my brain. I will not stop myself with negative thinking. I will resolve my mind into knowing I will succeed.
And I know my grandpa isn’t really gone. He’s watching over us. He’s there in the good moments. I will see him again when I finish this life. Shoot, I might even see him again this lifetime if he decides to come back. (Yes, I believe in reincarnation much to my parents chagrin.) But all beliefs aside, I believe we never really die. We merely go on to our next adventure. So here’s to my grandpa’s next adventure. Shall he eat all the blackened grouper he can handle and clear out all the money at the big blackjack table in the sky.
I love you.
And so it is.