It’s been four days since I’ve been officially out of work. A huge amount of emotion has run through me. Strangely, I had many feelings of sadness due to leaving this job. Not because I love serving people at a restaurant. (or at my old place of work being their actual servant!) I think I mourned the loss of community. Now, every day I’m by myself. And while I definitely crave more alone time to be productive, I’ll also miss being a part of something bigger than myself. Of course, this is the time to create something NEW to be a part of that is bigger than myself! But that leads me to my next fear… how do I do that???
Structure. I need structure. When you go to a physical job you are locked in there from 9-5 with no distractions. So my plan is to work on my writing and acting every day from 9-5. THEN I can go to the gym, or hang with friends. Otherwise this time will end in an unproductive free for all where I’m broke within two months. But as these past four days have proven, that’s easier said than done! Day one I was, quite frankly, a bit hungover due to post last day of work drinks. Day two I went to the Broad museum with friends, and day three I signed my severance packet and cleaned the disaster of an apartment I live in. And I feel GUILTY. I should have been more productive! I should have written an 120 page screenplay by now!! Or saved the world. Or learned Mandarin. Or, at the very least, run five miles each day to burn off my Turkey Day Butt.
I made a commitment to myself that this past job would be my LAST serving job EVER. But now I’m consumed with TERROR that I won’t be able to fulfill that vow. Instead of paralyzing myself with fear, like I do every time I see a spider, I decided to do something about it. I chose to release it. I’ve had this course on Unlimited Abundance by Christie Marie Sheldon for over a year, which I paid good money for, and have never done. I purchased it from Mindvalley Academy which is an online site that offers hundreds of great courses to snap you out of wallowing post junk food binge. Click here to check it out. She also has some talks on YouTube and on her website that you can find by googling her name. Technology is awesome.
I picked out the talk titled “Clearing Fear of Rejection.” Perfect. I’m about to send articles and samples of work to agents and magazines. I definitely need this. I also need some clearance of my fears of not knowing what to do next. The first thing Christie asked each of us to do is examine how you show up in the world each day emotionally, physically, and intellectually.
#1- Emotionally, do you wake up in the morning in a grumpy mood or ready for the day?
ME: Uh yeah, if I’ve had anything less than eight hours of sleep I’m more hormonal than a woman in labor. (And that’s scary.) I’ve also neglected my gratitude journal which lightens my mood both when I go to sleep and when I wake up.
SOLUTION: I need to make a conscious effort to go to sleep earlier so I can wake up and be productive. I also need to recommit my focus to gratitude each night in my journal. To read my helpful blog post about this click here.
#2- Are you taking care of yourself physically by putting healthy food into your body and exercising?
ME: Weeeellllllll, usually. But recently I’ve really been hitting the candy and I can’t remember the last time I went to a yoga class. My knees ache and hips are tight. Stop it, body! You’re showing my age!!!
SOLUTION: I know for a fact those two weeks I was doing yoga regularly at Wanderlust that I felt AMAZING. So I need to make time for that. If you’d like to read a humorous story about my yoga adventures click here. And I need to recommit to green juice. I know it seems like a dumb fad, but that stuff is MAGIC.
#3- Are you feeding your intellect with positive or negative thoughts?
ME: You mean self doubt is like potato chips for the soul??? Yep.
SOLUTION: This one is tricky. We’ve built up mental habits in our minds for YEARS. So at all times we need to feed our minds with positive input if we’re going to be able to change. If you find yourself saying, “I can’t.” Or, “I’m not smart enough.” Or, in my case, “My brain has turned to mush and there is no hope for my future. I guess I’ll move back with my parents and die a spinster!!!!” JUST STOP. Tell your ego, “Thank you for your input, but I’ve decided to go in a different direction this time.” And tell yourself, “Yo self! You’re super smart, really pretty, and so successful your parents might move in with YOU.” (Or not. Just throwing out options.) I’ve also found it helpful to listen to affirmative podcasts or books on tape while in the car. We all spend a lot of time driving, so this is the perfect time to feed your mind instead of zoning out or cursing bad drivers. (Though why does L.A. have to have SO many??) I love the Free Hypnosis App by Joseph Clough. There are both hypnosis tracks and podcasts on all kinds of topics. I listen to those in the car. I wouldn’t recommend doing hypnosis in the car or you’ll become one of those very bad drivers.
OK. Now we’ve tackled the things we can work on. Time for clearing! Christie got me into a relaxed state where I connect to the light energy and love of all things. (I call this God. Game of Thrones calls it The Lord of Light.) At her suggestion I began pinpointing and eradicating all traces of fear and whatever else is holding me back. And after a 50 minute session I felt way lighter, filled with love, and covered with cat hair. Apparently, my cat, Logan, was feeling my high energy vibes because he crawled onto my lap and purred louder than an eight cylinder engine.
I encourage you, too, to find what is holding you back and release it. You can use Christie’s program or just meditate quietly by yourself. The point is, you CAN change. You can make your highest dreams and life purposes come true. I love the quote, “Whether you think you can, or you think you can’t, you’re right.” YOU decide which way you want to go today. So I hope you’ll chose a path full of clear thinking, light, and love.
And so it is.