Today is Day 12 of the 21 day meditation challenge Desire and Destiny with Deepak Chopra and Oprah. The centering thought is “I am inspired. I’m unstoppable.”
But today I felt anything but. I had a million things to do and not enough time to do it. Has this ever happened to you? You start thinking about all the things you have to accomplish and the next thing you know you’re crying in the car on the way to the dry cleaners? No? Just me? Cool.
But a couple things happened that put me back on the right track. I don’t know if the dry cleaning lady sensed I had just been whimpering like a fool in my car, but I brought a bathing suit in that I needed altered on top, (it was a one piece and I have a butt but zero boobs) and she said she’d do it FOR FREE. I insisted on paying but she insisted I NOT pay. And that little act of kindness snapped me out of it. That and my mom told me I should probably follow my own blog advice and focus on one thing at a time in a positive way. (Damn you blog for making me look like a hypocrite!)
So I refocused on today’s lesson which says when we force an action in hopes of creating a desire we can actually block ourselves from infinite possibilities. It’s better to go with the flow and follow the truth in our hearts.
Think about it. Is there anything you’ve forced and toiled at, only to come up against obstacles? I definitely forced my way into my engagement situation. By that I mean my heart and intuition were telling me it was wrong but I continued anyway. And look how THAT ended up. (Not good, trust me.)
But other goals sometimes practically fall into your lap. When I decided I wanted to find my own place, despite LA ridiculous prices, an affordable one bedroom just fell into my lap. I’m not joking. I didn’t look at ONE. A friend told me to put my name on a waiting list in her building and then one day I just had an affordable, rent controlled apartment. Yes it’s older, has a wobbly toilet, and the mirror is a little scratched. But that mirror is a SKINNY mirror AND I had found a great place with very little effort.
I think this is because I set an intention in my mind, but I wasn’t out there worrying every day, like, “What happens if I never find an apartment??? I’ll end up forty and alone and living out of my car!!!” No. I knew I’d eventually find a place of my own, and even if I didn’t I already knew I had TONS of friends who’d let me couch surf (again engagement disaster taught me some cool things.) So I just kind of went with whatever cues felt right to me. My personal goal is to transfer this over to my acting and writing goal so every other day I’m not freaking out like a MANIAC.
Deepak says we must trust the unknown, which is uncomfortable. But consistently check in with your heart. Is it singing with joy or is there confusion and fear? Our bodies give us all kinds of cues, like a pit in our stomachs as a warning, “Halt! Do not proceed you idiot!” But we like to complicate and overthink everything. “What did this text mean? Is Jessica mad at me? She just said OK. No 😘😋 emoji. Omg, was I just a jerk back? Maybe I should forward these texts to about 15 friends and ask their opinions.” (Sound familiar? Or maybe that was just me in my 20s. Or two days ago. Moving on.) We make mountains out of molehills all the time. We just need to breathe, check inside, and follow our hearts.
And my heart and body wanted to take a break and go to kick boxing. And as I punched and kicked, even Stanky legged (yeah, it’s a Hollywood kickboxing class) I did start to feel like I was inspired and that I am unstoppable. Of course I need to work hard on my dreams. I’m not delusional and think it doesn’t take any effort. But I also have to stop taking it so seriously that I don’t enjoy my life. And once I got home I was clear headed and able to write with even more ease.
So tomorrow I hope I remember the lessons of today. Or else I’ll be the random crazy girl crying in the car next to you on the freeway.
And so it is. (Well not the crying car thing. I definitely don’t want to manifest that.)